Western society tends to be more accepting of stoic men than their female counterparts. Now, compare them with introverted television heroines, such as … ummm … err … gimme a second …  hmmm  … (see where I’m going with this?). I recognize that femininity radiates from the inside out and finds its true form in quietness. I’ll add it to my list of must reads. It was extremely frustrating. Maybe we need more introverted role models for grown women, too, I mention—we have Cain herself to look to, yes, but we need more! I am so grateful to have found my tribe and realize that I’m not a freak. She favors small groups over large. And, like Hepburn, we can be radiantly beautiful as well. Also, introvert personality traits include developed imagination. Hence, I sometimes, couldn’t afford to retreat into my own personal space, to get away from highly energy draining social situations! No matter if some one searches for his vital thing, Thank you for sharing your struggle to adjust to your new environment. My life has worked out in unexpected ways – I used to think I could only be happy if I learned to be extroverted, but now I’m more at peace just from accepting and being who I truly am. After all, people, according to my mom, thought that I was “standoffish.”. She was a humanitarian—a goodwill ambassador of UNICEF. The introverted female is a species all her own. Why it’s hard to believe Audrey Hepburn was an introvert. She’s always in the library! So I’m 0 for 2, not appreciated at work and lacking in dates…Good grief Charlie Brown! I just smiled at that time, but at some occasions we had short nice conversations about politics and society and i guess that changes the way he sees me. Introverted women vs. introverted men That is one major lesson that I have learnt, these past couple of years! According to the dictionary, introversion is a personality trait characterized by a focus on internal feelings rather than on external sources of stimulation. Most people are surprised to learn that Audrey Hepburn was an introvert. When I’m happy I’m fine, if I’m exhausted – yuck. Sadly, that approach to dating, and life, is very often viewed as dominant, aggressive, & unapologetic. There is a book that touches on many issues surrounding introversion. I am becoming happier just to have a few good friends in my life and am becoming more selective in who I spend time with. Being an introvert is a classic trait exhibited by beta females; they usually keep to themselves in a group, talking only when the need arises. I notice everything too. Nothing I ever did was even close to right. A confident introverted female doesnt need to flirt; she lets the guy, or girl know about her affinity by saying “Hey, I like you. So recently, I met a guy who is an extreme extrovert. What a beautiful Chow Chow! Thanks for sharing your experience, Laura! I think introverted women are swell and make great friends. My mother is an introvert and she has never taken kindly to silly chatter or faux social gatherings. When I was younger I often wondered what was wrong with me, as I found it extremely difficult to socialise in big groups and I stayed quiet most of the time. As for Twilight, I have to admit that as silly as the story sometimes is, I have a soft spot for it partly because Bella is an introvert who reads Jane Austen. They are witty, hilarious and nauseatingly endearing. thus he/she needs to be available that in detail, so that thing is maintained over here. Damn those societal norms! Why should “normality” be so very important? Why is it okay for grandpa to claim his solitude, but not good ol’ grams? To an introverted woman, real friendships are priceless. This statement is something I relate to: “While other women delight in constant chitchat and colorful banter, we silently wonder if we’re missing a crucial femininity chip.”, Yes, these other women who advertise in one form or another are “hot,” and “stand out.”. The 7 Greatest Strengths of an Introvert What others might call weakness is an introvert's greatest strength. I say . To be honest, there have been times when I used to try and be hilarious and goofy, just for the sake of it. Consequently, they often must work double-time to overcome misperceptions, masquerading as extraverts to make others feel comfortable with them.' They bring peace into my life. limited when it’s with other chatty women! Sometimes I hate being an introvert, but honestly, I think it sets me apart. In my late 40s now and still stumping the world by choosing to relish in my solitude, a few good friends and gloriously free status. Quiet smugness, passive-aggression and more. I have to admit that extroverts, at the beginning, are just good at grabbing attention. Okay, rant done. I know of what you speak as I had that kind of mother. Thank goodness you are doing this. Because of this, introverts can seem wise, even from a young age. BUT no, that’s considered too dominant and aggressive. I remember reading about a woman who was (mildly) depressed. I hope that’s all right! #1 You like being social. Introvert personality traits are characterized by purposefulness. I don’t watch the Bachelor and Real Housewives. All or nothing with introverts, so we are great at making decisions. I will have more info on it up on the site by the end of the week ;). Thanks. Our quiet virtues can easily be overshadowed by the dazzling, in-your-face charm of outgoing women. Geez, if only I could pull something like that off without people thinking I am nuts! You immediately connect with an awesome coach on text or over the phone in minutes. I have even been asked questions like ‘are you ill?’, accompanied by remarks and ‘observations’ like ‘you seem to be a shadow of your old and cheerful self!’. I think not. Like I’ll just ask a simple question and they always go into this whole needless explanation 😭 I try so hard to be nice and patiently listen but it is DRAINING!! Shame. I was deeply burned by an evil male about 5 years ago. Ug. I’ve read most of it. My two favorite introvert Facebook Pages are Introvert’s are Awesome and Social Introverts. Must be a bunch of us like this out there. I feel so complete and self-contained I really don’t understand this attachment. It makes sense that books with depth would have characters of depth. 🙂. Making new friends can be daunting, even online. For years I felt like an outsider. She’s not interested in popularity. But it will be easier in the long term. Sometimes I worry I have a touch of social anxiety but the greater part of me says that its just a symptom of being too run down with forced socialising. The terms introversion and extroversion (also often spelled extraversion) were popularized through the work of Carl Jung and later became central … Psychology today has a good blog, called Introvert’s Corner. Im starting to value the capacity for building true friendships (rather than expanding social networks) that seems inherent with introversion. For years, seriously…FOR…YEARS…I have been told, I’m a stuck up bitch, distant, and cold and aloof (I liken myself to Mr. Darcy-favorably) but once we get to know you your so sweet. A woman should be true to herself, regardless of her nature. That was not how I felt inside. P.S. Thanks, Esther. and my wicked sense of humour! Introverts listen before they speak. Her hairdresser suggested that she go blonde to make a change, might help lift her mood. And I think quickly, and I am witty (wit comes from contemplation kids, not blabbing all the time). Flirting is for extroverts that dont know how to properly express their feelings. Introversion indicates one end of the scale, while extroversion represents the other end. And whatever she did, it was always “because she cared” and/or I hadn’t done it quite right. This side of me would surface only for a select few. I dont make excuses anymore for taking it – its as crucial for my wellbeing as sleep and would I apologise for needing sleep? But i have always felt anxiety around unfamiliar people who i have to spend hours with daily. In popular lit, I think Hermione from Harry Potter is a STELLAR example of an introverted type- I mean, she’s always in the library! “I recognize that femininity radiates from the inside out and finds its true form in quietness.” This I find a bit of an overgeneralization. I guess I am what people refer to as a private extrovert and public introvert. People may disagree, but I think Harry Potter is both popular and great literature. Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Many researchers believe there are two types of narcissists, the first one is extroverted or overt, and the second is the introverted or covert.. (The term extrovert is now used more commonly than extravert.) I really enjoyed this post. And I hate it when someone insists that I be more outgoing or talkative. I would love to read more blogs if anyone knows of any, read books, or make online friends to talk to so I can learn too. I don’t make apologies for “alone time” anymore. It is to see how those extroverts and talkative people become nervous when they have to speak in a more official manner or in front of the crowd while me, an introvert, i can do it well. It is pretty good. That means that she’ll really cherish the time you spend with her and no one else. Now I can say, I know how to take care of myself around extroverts.:-). 🙂, Thank you for sharing your experience as an introverted woman in Finland! I thought she was physically beautiful but the adhesion was to her brain. Sponsored: The best dating/relationships advice on the web. A lot of women choose to be more bubbly, and out there, to preserve their femininity. It’s not just excuses to get out of parties — it’s taking headphones along on public transportation so she has an out from casual conversation. They like people, and that is why they have friends, maybe not as many as the popular guy or girl around, but they do, and hence the fact that they hate people is a misconception, … Introvert narcissists are often difficult to spot, and yet can carry the same self-conceit and negative contagion as … So out of annoyance and preferring to be straight forward I ask “well why didn’t you then”? There is no need to give fluff of extra information. And I think 32 is a great age for a fresh start and a fresh view of yourself that is more loving and accepting. Emily of New Moon (the other series LM Montgomery wrote besides Anne of Green Gables). As for dating, no I did not date much. Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. Control over emotions. I’ve had the whole office sit in a meeting one day and analyze my personality making jokes about not being able to socialize. The world is an introvert’s wonderland with possibilities everywhere. Ive been married to an extrovert for almost 15 years, and if anything, I am trying to escape him. I stay home every weekend and drink by myself. And wondering what in the world happened and why I don’t matter in anyone’s life enough to be worthy of more than a peripheral meeting in their busy schedule. This can be exhausting. I hope that you find healing. And, maybe this, more than anything is the real issue. Required fields are marked *, Introverts often struggle with feeling guilty. Your email address will not be published. Honesty. Introversion is one of the major personality traitsidentified in many theories of personality. Thanks for putting that into words. Just because she’s an introvert doesn’t mean she’s antisocial. Being an introvert doesn’t mean she’s a hermit; she just prefers a different form of social interaction. 10. I chuckled and smiled, but stood firm, stating yep that’s right, I’m not a social butterfly and damn proud of it, but the underlining message of ‘we’re right and something is definitely wrong with you’ was quite prevalent. I am expecting more interesting topics from you. Ohhhh..I’m so happy to have found this blog. She was theatrical, a ballerina. All my family are extroverts and had/have little understanding of why I behave the way I do. There is a lot of talk these days about the distinction between extroverts and introverts, which is often treated as an either/or trait. But I know who I am, so I knew what I wanted, and once I spotted him, it was a done deal (engaged in 3 months flat). The whole blonde obsession of the 1970s was awful. Ranked by the American Film Institute as the third greatest female screen legend during the Golden Age of Hollywood, Audrey Hepburn was more than just the films she did and the clothes she wore. For her, there really is strength in solitude. The reality is, introverted women come in all shapes, sizes and skin colors. They weren’t better actors than me (introverts can be actors, as you say with Audrey Hepburn, since they bring a greater emotional depth and insight to their roles), they were just more bubbly and likeable, even to directors! Smirking: Extroverts refuel by being with others. Like all introverts, she excels at observing. You’re words are so encouraging for me, because as it turns out,I am launching a very special ebook and workbook for single introverted women on June 1st. I love Katniss Everdeen, too! The general notion goes by the fact that introverts hate people, but no that’s so not the case! Introverts often devote much of our precious energy to hiding who we really are. I was born blonde, then my hair turned darker at 10 months, gradually becoming a rich brown in my teens. I am still working on it. Maybe it’s sad to say there are so few introverts portrayed in the media that I was happy to see anything like that, even in Twilight!). She has been blogging for over four years and writing her whole life. Every Cosmo article I read pushes the idea that women constantly want to talk more than their male partners, when it has never been true for me or a lot of my friends. I’m like yeah, after you’ve insulted me incessantly, and publicly, and I’ve tolerated it quietly and calmly, do you finally come to the realization that me not wanting to run my mouth isn’t necessarily a negative. Introverts like to go out occasionally, but not all the time. They really are the enemy of the introverted woman. And besides, being normal is highly overrated – kinda like being extroverted. I had always been a push-over, but went through a short stage where my stock answer to anyone who questioned me was: “GFY.” I cried – no, SOBBED – every day for about 3 years. I know I’m not necessarily “normal”, but I see my value nonetheless. 🙂. My man-friend relationships last longer when each of us lives separately. Many people wrongly envision female introverts as pasty white spinster types who own at least three cats. People who date them might feel uncomfortable because of these specific traits of introverts’ character. Introverts tend to observe, take in a lot of information, and think before they speak. N you know what surprises me lately? Great blog! My tendency to ‘please people’, has led to severe mental exhaustion! And of course, there’s Hermione Granger, who’d far prefer to study than to go out partying. Or, perhaps they warmly relate how grandpa used to hide out on the roof with a book whenever guests came over. When people expect a sassy, bold, dramatic, and highly communicative bearing, Black introverted women can leave … If you like me, we should go out sometime”. Not all – let me preface this comment with that- but this particular extroverted lady that he has attached himself too, is also FULL of drama, and said gentleman who now considers me the “good friend” conveys to me his discomforts with his present companion. The blonde thing is bs. My biggest struggle at the moment that I constantly fear people will think I am a bitch to the point where I have had to lie once (with great guilt) to hide/stay home because I cannot picture my introversion being understood. She gets nervous about meeting new people. My introvert mother was worn to a frazzle after she came home from a short hospital stay and my sibleys decided someone needed to be with her all the time. This may sound heavily laced with the “green eyed monster” and in truth it is in 1 part, but its also 2 parts observation and conversation. It’s hard to believe now, but introversion was once a mostly misunderstood personality trait. To this day I struggle with meeting new people, going to parties, and shopping for clothes because of the bullying I endured from my mother when I failed to live up to her expectations in these areas. Introverts are better in small settings. Introverted women wanting to be extroverts. I wished I could master the art of flirtation and fluffy banter as they had. here i have got something for you all And, like Hepburn, we can be radiantly beautiful as well. But this scenario (and the repetitive cycle) annoys the life outta me, because it always appears that the main reasons why this continues to happen, the extrovert jumped in his lap, whilst I stood back and quietly observed and appeared to be unapproachable. My partner is understanding, but in more of a ‘oh, she’s just like that’ way – he wouldn’t know what introversion or extroversion was. So yeah, I do wholeheartedly agree that men prefer the extrovert (even when she’s not his type! We’re also happy cat owners and are content to be childfree, so that I don’t have to be a stressed mom trying to deal with all that crazy stuff. Introverts are good listeners. We’re analytical and reflective, and we’re often interested in discovering the deeper meaning or underlying pattern behind events. No intimacy. …if i had more personal space at work for instance, i would get past my anxieties with less trouble. Bella Swan of Twilight immediately comes to mind. I can relate to the green-eyed monster and the extroverted women. The problem being…I have reverted very far into the depths of introversion. Kelsey Dykstra Then there’s Zoe in Firefly (OK, I’m on a Joss-streak here – I should probably come up with some others), Katniss from the Hunger Games, Max from Dark Angel, and Trinity from the Matrix series. Introverts see things others often miss or don’t see. I embrace authenticity and calm environments. 21. First, let us define an introvert. Your voice will always be heard. It only became a problem when I would have someone wonder why I wasn’t wanting to “put myself out there”. His plausible response whilst looking down at his feet – I didn’t think you were interested. She doesn’t have low self-esteem. I notice that introverts and extroverts pair up because the extrovert is good at initiating the interactions, dates, etc. All of my academic achievement, excelling in piano, and so on just weren’t important if I didn’t have that social element and girly obsession with my appearance to others. Please tell me if anyone relates to this, but as a woman I love to be chatty with other women, but my chattiness is SUPER. It’s not very common for an introvert to voice her thoughts, feelings, and opinions without being prompted to do so. -this confuses me, as to how “normal” it is. Oh and I agree with the other posts about needing alone time. even though the guy who said this comment obviously meant well, and it is the right solution but at the same time it bothers me, pisses me off, because a lot of people are stupid and delusional to the fact that being very introverted, or just shy, quiet, awkward is thousands, millions of times worse for guys, men than it is for women in regards to the dating/mating game, he said: I found her to be annoying as hell. But it also comes at a price. But her mom is definitely an extrovert. Thank you for the encouragement, Jake. There’s even a friend who asked me frankly, why are you so quiet? I’ve read some of Elaine’s articles, but haven’t read the book yet. Another critical fact that I have learnt is that Introversion is another personality trait, like Extroversion. …so for me, i work towards self acceptance regardless of whether society pressures me to be. I saw how they radiated, felt alive, had a sparkle in their eyes, and men (both introverted and extroverted) seemed to adore them: “Aaah, now that’s a woman! I have been in that situation so many times it’s unbelievable, and it takes me about a full day to recharge. What about a social introvert? Again, three seemingly negative traits the average feminine female. Happily, women actually love introverted men. I’m so very happy that this blog exists and others in the world can relate, I’m saddened that you all have had to endure it as well, but again glad I’m not alone. Patience. Many people wrongly envision female introverts as pasty white spinster types who own at least three cats. She’ll be more interested in hanging out with you alone than in a group. Beta women are big thinkers and are content being on the sidelines rather than in the spotlight. I’m wondering how many other introverts out there also love having their homes to themselves, and are repelled by the mere thought of someone moving in. She needs her down time. – his words not mine) who falls in his lap versus the introvert who has to assess the situation prior to advancing and doesn’t know how to (and also despises having to) play coy, and bat her eyelashes, and make small talk to convey attraction. They know when to cut their losses with a relationship. Just for the sake of ‘mingling’, ‘coming out of my shell’ and just for the sake of appearing to be outgoing, therefore trying my hardest to mask and may be even kill my introversion! Introverts just don’t handle social stimulation as well as extroverts do. That match what is acceptable and female introvert characteristics in society every weekend and drink myself. You’Re in female introvert characteristics extrovert, it ’ s feeling, you need to give fluff of extra information her romantic. 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